Хвилі

           "Whichishappiness?"Isaid(ourchildhadbeenborn),"whichpain?"referringtothetwosidesofmybody,asIcamedownstairs,makingapurelyphysicalstatement.AlsoImadenoteofthestateofthehouse;thecurtainblowing;thecooksinging;thewardrobeshowingthroughthehalf-openeddoor.Isaid,"Givehim(myself)anothermoment’srespite"asIwentdownstairs."Nowinthisdrawing-roomheisgoingtosuffer.Thereisnoescape."Butforpainwordsarelacking.Thereshouldbecries,cracks,fissures,whitenesspassingoverchintzcovers,interferencewiththesenseoftime,ofspace;thesensealsoofextremefixityinpassingobjects;andsoundsveryremoteandthenveryclose;fleshbeinggashedandbloodspurting,ajointsuddenlytwisted--beneathallofwhichappearssomethingveryimportant,yetremote,tobejustheldinsolitude.SoIwentout.Isawthefirstmorninghewouldneversee--thesparrowswereliketoysdangledfromastringbyachild.Toseethingswithoutattachment,fromtheoutside,andtorealizetheirbeautyinitself--howstrange!Andthenthesensethataburdenhasbeenremoved;pretenceandmake-believeandunrealityaregone,andlightnesshascomewithakindoftransparency,makingoneselfinvisibleandthingsseenthroughasonewalks--howstrange."Andnowwhatotherdiscoverywilltherebe?"Isaid,andinordertoholdittightignorednewspaperplacardsandwentandlookedatpictures.Madonnasandpillars,archesandorangetrees,stillasonthefirstdayofcreation,butacquaintedwithgrief,theretheyhung,andIgazedatthem.