Лорд Джим

Chapter 5

           Hisleanbronzedhead,withwhitemoustaches,lookedfineandcalmonthepillow,liketheheadofawar-wornsoldierwithachild-likesoul,haditnotbeenforahintofspectralalarmthatlurkedintheblankglitterofhisglance,resemblinganondescriptformofaterrorcrouchingsilentlybehindapaneofglass.Hewassoextremelycalm,thatIbegantoindulgeintheeccentrichopeofhearingsomethingexplanatoryofthefamousaffairfromhispointofview.WhyIlongedtogogrubbingintothedeplorabledetailsofanoccurrencewhich,afterall,concernedmenomorethanasamemberofanobscurebodyofmenheldtogetherbyacommunityofinglorioustoilandbyfidelitytoacertainstandardofconduct,Ican’texplain.Youmaycallitanunhealthycuriosityifyoulike;butIhaveadistinctnotionIwishedtofindsomething.Perhaps,unconsciously,IhopedIwouldfindthatsomething,someprofoundandredeemingcause,somemercifulexplanation,someconvincingshadowofanexcuse.IseewellenoughnowthatIhopedfortheimpossibleforthelayingofwhatisthemostobstinateghostofman’screation,oftheuneasydoubtuprisinglikeamist,secretandgnawinglikeaworm,andmorechillingthanthecertitudeofdeaththedoubtofthesovereignpowerenthronedinafixedstandardofconduct.Itisthehardestthingtostumbleagainst;itisthethingthatbreedsyellingpanicsandgoodlittlequietvillainies;it’sthetrueshadowofcalamity.

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