Лорд Джим

Chapter 21

           ItmaybeIwasbelittlinghimbysuchafear.HowcouldItell?EvenSteincouldsaynomorethanthathewasromantic.Ionlyknewhewasoneofus.Andwhatbusinesshadhetoberomantic?Iamtellingyousomuchaboutmyowninstinctivefeelingsandbemusedreflectionsbecausethereremainssolittletobetoldofhim.Heexistedforme,andafterallitisonlythroughmethatheexistsforyou.I’veledhimoutbythehand;Ihaveparadedhimbeforeyou.Weremycommonplacefearsunjust?Iwon’tsay—notevennow.Youmaybeabletotellbetter,sincetheproverbhasitthattheonlookersseemostofthegame.Atanyrate,theyweresuperfluous.Hedidnotgoout,notatall;onthecontrary,hecameonwonderfully,cameonstraightasadieandinexcellentform,whichshowedthathecouldstayaswellasspurt.Ioughttobedelighted,foritisavictoryinwhichIhadtakenmypart;butIamnotsopleasedasIwouldhaveexpectedtobe.Iaskmyselfwhetherhisrushhadreallycarriedhimoutofthatmistinwhichheloomedinterestingifnotverybig,withfloatingoutlines—astraggleryearninginconsolablyforhishumbleplaceintheranks.Andbesides,thelastwordisnotsaid—probablyshallneverbesaid.Arenotourlivestooshortforthatfullutterancewhichthroughallourstammeringsisofcourseouronlyandabidingintention?Ihavegivenupexpectingthoselastwords,whosering,iftheycouldonlybepronounced,wouldshakebothheavenandearth

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