Портрет Доріана Грея
Chapter 10
Forweekshewouldnotgothere,wouldforgetthehideouspaintedthing, andgetbackhislightheart,hiswonderfuljoyousness,hispassionateabsorptioninmereexistence. Then,suddenly,somenighthewouldcreepoutofthehouse,godowntodreadfulplacesnearBlueGateFields,andstaythere,dayafterday,untilhewasdrivenaway. Onhisreturnhewouldsitinfrontofthepicture,sometimesloathingitandhimself, butfilled,atothertimes,withthatprideofindividualismthatishalfthefascinationofsin, andsmilingwithsecretpleasure,atthemisshapenshadowthathadtobeartheburdenthatshouldhavebeenhisown.
AfterafewyearshecouldnotenduretobelongoutofEngland, andgaveupthevillathathehadsharedatTrouvillewithLordHenry, aswellasthelittlewhitewalled-inhouseatAlgierswheretheyhadmorethanoncespentthewinter. Hehatedtobeseparatedfromthepicturethatwassuchapartofhislife,andwasalsoafraid thatduringhisabsencesomeonemightgainaccesstotheroom,inspiteoftheelaboratebarsthathehadcausedtobeplaceduponthedoor.
Hewasquiteconsciousthatthiswouldtellthemnothing. Itwastruethattheportraitstillpreserved,underallthefoulnessanduglinessoftheface,itsmarkedlikenesstohimself; butwhatcouldtheylearnfromthat? Hewouldlaughatanyonewhotriedtotaunthim. Hehadnotpaintedit. Whatwasittohimhowvileandfullofshameitlooked? Evenifhetoldthem,wouldtheybelieveit?
Yethewasafraid.
