Мідлмарч

Chapter 85

           Thepitiablelotisthatofthemanwhocouldnotcallhimselfamartyreventhoughheweretopersuadehimselfthatthemenwhostonedhimwerebutuglypassionsincarnatewhoknowsthatheisstoned,notforprofessingtheRight,butfornotbeingthemanheprofessedtobe.

           ThiswastheconsciousnessthatBulstrodewaswitheringunderwhilehemadehispreparationsfordepartingfromMiddlemarch,andgoingtoendhisstrickenlifeinthatsadrefuge,theindifferenceofnewfaces.Theduteousmercifulconstancyofhiswifehaddeliveredhimfromonedread,butitcouldnothinderherpresencefrombeingstillatribunalbeforewhichheshrankfromconfessionanddesiredadvocacy.HisequivocationswithhimselfaboutthedeathofRaffleshadsustainedtheconceptionofanOmnisciencewhomheprayedto,yethehadaterroruponhimwhichwouldnotlethimexposethemtojudgmentbyafullconfessiontohiswife:theactswhichhehadwashedanddilutedwithinwardargumentandmotive,andforwhichitseemedcomparativelyeasytowininvisiblepardonwhatnamewouldshecallthemby?ThatsheshouldeversilentlycallhisactsMurderwaswhathecouldnotbear.Hefeltshroudedbyherdoubt:hegotstrengthtofaceherfromthesensethatshecouldnotyetfeelwarrantedinpronouncingthatworstcondemnationonhim.Sometime,perhapswhenhewasdyinghewouldtellherall:inthedeepshadowofthattime,whensheheldhishandinthegatheringdarkness,shemightlistenwithoutrecoilingfromhistouch.

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