Мідлмарч

Chapter 76

           Thesuspicionsagainstmehadnoholdthere:theyaregroundedontheknowledgethatItookmoney,thatBulstrodehadstrongmotivesforwishingthemantodie,andthathegavemethemoneyasabribetoconcurinsomemalpracticesorotheragainstthepatient—thatinanycaseIacceptedabribetoholdmytongue.Theyarejustthesuspicionsthatclingthemostobstinately,becausetheylieinpeople’sinclinationandcanneverbedisproved.HowmyorderscametobedisobeyedisaquestiontowhichIdon’tknowtheanswer.ItisstillpossiblethatBulstrodewasinnocentofanycriminalintention—evenpossiblethathehadnothingtodowiththedisobedience,andmerelyabstainedfrommentioningit.Butallthathasnothingtodowiththepublicbelief.Itisoneofthosecasesonwhichamaniscondemnedonthegroundofhischaracter—itisbelievedthathehascommittedacrimeinsomeundefinedway,becausehehadthemotivefordoingit;andBulstrode’scharacterhasenvelopedme,becauseItookhismoney.Iamsimplyblighted—likeadamagedearofcorn—thebusinessisdoneandcan’tbeundone."

           "Oh,itishard!"saidDorothea."Iunderstandthedifficultythereisinyourvindicatingyourself.Andthatallthisshouldhavecometoyouwhohadmeanttoleadahigherlifethanthecommon,andtofindoutbetterways—Icannotbeartorestinthisasunchangeable.Iknowyoumeantthat.Irememberwhatyousaidtomewhenyoufirstspoketomeaboutthehospital.

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