Паразит
IV
OfcourseIdeniedit,anddeclaredthathehadmisunderstoodme,butoncomparinghisnoteswiththoseofhiscompanions,itbecameclearthathewasright,andthatIreallyhadmadesomemostpreposterousstatements.OfcourseIshallexplainitawayasbeingtheresultofamomentofaberration,butIfeelonlytoosurethatitwillbethefirstofaseries.Itisbutamonthnowtotheendofthesession,andIpraythatImaybeabletoholdoutuntilthen.April26.TendayshaveelapsedsinceIhavehadthehearttomakeanyentryinmyjournal.WhyshouldIrecordmyownhumiliationanddegradation?Ihadvowednevertoopenitagain.Andyettheforceofhabitisstrong,andhereIfindmyselftakinguponcemoretherecordofmyowndreadfulexperiences—inmuchthesamespiritinwhichasuicidehasbeenknowntotakenotesoftheeffectsofthepoisonwhichkilledhim.Well,thecrashwhichIhadforeseenhascome—andthatnofurtherbackthanyesterday.Theuniversityauthoritieshavetakenmylectureshipfromme.Ithasbeendoneinthemostdelicateway,purportingtobeatemporarymeasuretorelievemefromtheeffectsofoverwork,andtogivemetheopportunityofrecoveringmyhealth.Nonetheless,ithasbeendone,andIamnolongerProfessorGilroy.Thelaboratoryisstillinmycharge,butIhavelittledoubtthatthatalsowillsoongo.Thefactisthatmylectureshadbecomethelaughing-stockoftheuniversity.Myclasswascrowdedwithstudentswhocametoseeandhearwhattheeccentricprofessorwoulddoorsaynext.Icannotgointothedetailofmyhumiliation.
