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IV

           OfcourseIdeniedit,anddeclaredthathehadmisunderstoodme,butoncomparinghisnoteswiththoseofhiscompanions,itbecameclearthathewasright,andthatIreallyhadmadesomemostpreposterousstatements.OfcourseIshallexplainitawayasbeingtheresultofamomentofaberration,butIfeelonlytoosurethatitwillbethefirstofaseries.Itisbutamonthnowtotheendofthesession,andIpraythatImaybeabletoholdoutuntilthen.April26.TendayshaveelapsedsinceIhavehadthehearttomakeanyentryinmyjournal.WhyshouldIrecordmyownhumiliationanddegradation?Ihadvowednevertoopenitagain.Andyettheforceofhabitisstrong,andhereIfindmyselftakinguponcemoretherecordofmyowndreadfulexperiences—inmuchthesamespiritinwhichasuicidehasbeenknowntotakenotesoftheeffectsofthepoisonwhichkilledhim.Well,thecrashwhichIhadforeseenhascome—andthatnofurtherbackthanyesterday.Theuniversityauthoritieshavetakenmylectureshipfromme.Ithasbeendoneinthemostdelicateway,purportingtobeatemporarymeasuretorelievemefromtheeffectsofoverwork,andtogivemetheopportunityofrecoveringmyhealth.Nonetheless,ithasbeendone,andIamnolongerProfessorGilroy.Thelaboratoryisstillinmycharge,butIhavelittledoubtthatthatalsowillsoongo.Thefactisthatmylectureshadbecomethelaughing-stockoftheuniversity.Myclasswascrowdedwithstudentswhocametoseeandhearwhattheeccentricprofessorwoulddoorsaynext.Icannotgointothedetailofmyhumiliation.

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