Паразит
II
Thereissomeconsolationinthethought,then,thatthoseodiousimpulsesforwhichIhaveblamedmyselfdonotreallycomefrommeatall.Theyarealltransferredfromher,littleasIcouldhaveguesseditatthetime.Ifeelcleanerandlighterforthethought.April8.Yes,now,inbroaddaylight,writingcoollyandwithtimeforreflection,IamcompelledtoconfirmeverythingwhichIwroteinmyjournallastnight.Iaminahorribleposition,but,aboveall,Imustnotlosemyhead.Imustpitmyintellectagainstherpowers.Afterall,Iamnosillypuppet,todanceattheendofastring.Ihaveenergy,brains,courage.Forallherdevil’stricksImaybeatheryet.May!IMUST,orwhatistobecomeofme?Letmetrytoreasonitout!Thiswoman,byherownexplanation,candominatemynervousorganism.Shecanprojectherselfintomybodyandtakecommandofit.Shehasaparasitesoul;yes,sheisaparasite,amonstrousparasite.Shecreepsintomyframeasthehermitcrabdoesintothewhelk’sshell.IampowerlessWhatcanIdo?IamdealingwithforcesofwhichIknownothing.AndIcantellnooneofmytrouble.Theywouldsetmedownasamadman.Certainly,ifitgotnoisedabroad,theuniversitywouldsaythattheyhadnoneedofadevil-riddenprofessor.AndAgatha!No,no,Imustfaceitalone.
