Паразит
II
Theeffectisproducedmorerapidlynow,andthesubjectivevisionsarelessmarked.Ikeepfullnotesofeachsitting.Wilsonisleavingfortownforaweekortendays,butweshallnotinterrupttheexperiments,whichdependfortheirvalueasmuchuponmysensationsasonhisobservations.April4.Imustbecarefullyonmyguard.AcomplicationhascreptintoourexperimentswhichIhadnotreckonedupon.InmyeagernessforscientificfactsIhavebeenfoolishlyblindtothehumanrelationsbetweenMissPenclosaandmyself.IcanwriteherewhatIwouldnotbreathetoalivingsoul.Theunhappywomanappearstohaveformedanattachmentforme.Ishouldnotsaysuchathing,evenintheprivacyofmyownintimatejournal,ifithadnotcometosuchapassthatitisimpossibletoignoreit.Forsometime,—thatis,forthelastweek,—therehavebeensignswhichIhavebrushedasideandrefusedtothinkof.HerbrightnesswhenIcome,herdejectionwhenIgo,hereagernessthatIshouldcomeoften,theexpressionofhereyes,thetoneofhervoice—Itriedtothinkthattheymeantnothing,andwere,perhaps,onlyherardentWestIndianmanner.Butlastnight,asIawokefromthemesmericsleep,Iputoutmyhand,unconsciously,involuntarily,andclaspedhers.WhenIcamefullytomyself,weweresittingwiththemlocked,shelookingupatmewithanexpectantsmile.AndthehorriblethingwasthatIfeltimpelledtosaywhatsheexpectedmetosay.
