Портрет художника в юності
Chapter 3
Whatahorriblething!Whomadeittobelikethat,abestialpartofthebodyabletounderstandbestiallyanddesirebestially?Wasthatthenheoraninhumanthingmovedbyalowersoul?Hissoulsickenedatthethoughtofatorpidsnakylifefeedingitselfoutofthetendermarrowofhislifeandfatteningupontheslimeoflust.Owhywasthatso?Owhy?
Hecoweredintheshadowofthethought,abasinghimselfintheaweofGodWhohadmadeallthingsandallmen.Madness.Whocouldthinksuchathought?And,coweringindarknessandabject,heprayedmutelytohisguardianangeltodriveawaywithhisswordthedemonthatwaswhisperingtohisbrain.
Thewhisperceasedandheknewthenclearlythathisownsoulhadsinnedinthoughtandwordanddeedwilfullythroughhisownbody.Confess!Hehadtoconfesseverysin.Howcouldheutterinwordstothepriestwhathehaddone?Must,must.Orhowcouldheexplainwithoutdyingofshame?Orhowcouldhehavedonesuchthingswithoutshame?Amadman!Confess!Ohewouldindeedtobefreeandsinlessagain!Perhapsthepriestwouldknow.OdearGod!
Hewalkedonandonthroughill-litstreets,fearingtostandstillforamomentlestitmightseemthatheheldbackfromwhatawaitedhim,fearingtoarriveatthattowardswhichhestillturnedwithlonging.HowbeautifulmustbeasoulinthestateofgracewhenGodlookeduponitwithlove!
Frowsygirlssatalongthecurbstonesbeforetheirbaskets.Theirdankhairhungtrailedovertheirbrows.
