Портрет художника в юності
Chapter 2
Hismotherhadnofurtheroccasiontoupbraidhimforsquanderinghismoney.Hetooreturnedtohisoldlifeatschoolandallhisnovelenterprisesfelltopieces.Thecommonwealthfell,theloanbankcloseditscoffersanditsbooksonasensibleloss,therulesoflifewhichhehaddrawnabouthimselffellintodesuetude.
Howfoolishhisaimhadbeen!Hehadtriedtobuildabreak-wateroforderandeleganceagainstthesordidtideoflifewithouthimandtodamup,byrulesofconductandactiveinterestandnewfilialrelations,thepowerfulrecurrenceofthetideswithinhim.Useless.Fromwithoutasfromwithinthewatershadflowedoverhisbarriers:theirtidesbeganoncemoretojostlefiercelyabovethecrumbledmole.
Hesawclearlytoohisownfutileisolation.Hehadnotgoneonestepnearertheliveshehadsoughttoapproachnorbridgedtherestlessshameandrancourthathaddividedhimfrommotherandbrotherandsister.Hefeltthathewashardlyoftheonebloodwiththembutstoodtothemratherinthemysticalkinshipoffosterage,fosterchildandfosterbrother.
Heturnedtoappeasethefiercelongingsofhisheartbeforewhicheverythingelsewasidleandalien.Hecaredlittlethathewasinmortalsin,thathislifehadgrowntobeatissueofsubterfugeandfalsehood.Besidethesavagedesirewithinhimtorealizetheenormitieswhichhebroodedonnothingwassacred.
