Жовті шпалери

           Itmakesmetiredtofollowit.IwilltakeanapIguess. 

           *** 

           Idon’tknowwhyIshouldwritethis. 

           Idon’twantto. 

           Idon’tfeelable. 

           AndIknowJohnwouldthinkitabsurd.ButIMUSTsaywhatIfeelandthinkinsomeway—itissucharelief! 

           Buttheeffortisgettingtobegreaterthantherelief. 

           HalfthetimenowIamawfullylazy,andliedowneversomuch. 

           JohnsaysImusn’tlosemystrength,andhasmetakecodliveroilandlotsoftonicsandthings,tosaynothingofaleandwineandraremeat. 

           DearJohn!Helovesmeverydearly,andhatestohavemesick. Itriedtohavearealearnestreasonabletalkwithhimtheotherday,andtellhimhowIwishhewouldletmegoandmakeavisittoCousinHenryandJulia. 

           ButhesaidIwasn’tabletogo,norabletostanditafterIgotthere;andIdidnotmakeoutaverygoodcaseformyself,forIwascryingbeforeIhadfinished. 

           Itisgettingtobeagreateffortformetothinkstraight.JustthisnervousweaknessIsuppose. 

           AnddearJohngatheredmeupinhisarms,andjustcarriedmeupstairsandlaidmeonthebed,andsatbymeandreadtometillittiredmyhead.