Большие ожидания

Chapter 53

           Estella’sfatherwouldbelieveIhaddesertedhim,wouldbetaken,woulddieaccusingme;evenHerbertwoulddoubtme,whenhecomparedtheletterIhadleftforhimwiththefactthatIhadcalledatMissHavisham’sgateforonlyamoment;JoeandBiddywouldneverknowhowsorryIhadbeenthatnight,nonewouldeverknowwhatIhadsuffered,howtrueIhadmeanttobe,whatanagonyIhadpassedthrough.Thedeathclosebeforemewasterrible,butfarmoreterriblethandeathwasthedreadofbeingmisrememberedafterdeath.Andsoquickweremythoughts,thatIsawmyselfdespisedbyunborngenerationsEstella’schildren,andtheirchildrenwhilethewretch’swordswereyetonhislips.

           "Now,wolf,"saidhe,"aforeIkillyoulikeanyotherbeastwhichiswotImeantodoandwotIhavetiedyouupforI’llhaveagoodlookatyouandagoodgoadatyou.Oyouenemy!"

           Ithadpassedthroughmythoughtstocryoutforhelpagain;thoughfewcouldknowbetterthanI,thesolitarynatureofthespot,andthehopelessnessofaid.Butashesatgloatingoverme,Iwassupportedbyascornfuldetestationofhimthatsealedmylips.Aboveallthings,IresolvedthatIwouldnotentreathim,andthatIwoulddiemakingsomelastpoorresistancetohim.

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