Большие ожидания

Chapter 52

           IfIhadtakenahackney-chariotandgonebythestreets,Ishouldhavemissedmyaim;goingasIdid,Icaughtthecoachjustasitcameoutoftheyard.Iwastheonlyinsidepassenger,joltingawayknee-deepinstraw,whenIcametomyself.

           ForIreallyhadnotbeenmyselfsincethereceiptoftheletter;ithadsobewilderedme,ensuingonthehurryofthemorning.Themorninghurryandflutterhadbeengreat;for,longandanxiouslyasIhadwaitedforWemmick,hishinthadcomelikeasurpriseatlast.AndnowIbegantowonderatmyselfforbeinginthecoach,andtodoubtwhetherIhadsufficientreasonforbeingthere,andtoconsiderwhetherIshouldgetoutpresentlyandgoback,andtoargueagainsteverheedingananonymouscommunication,and,inshort,topassthroughallthosephasesofcontradictionandindecisiontowhichIsupposeveryfewhurriedpeoplearestrangers.Still,thereferencetoProvisbynamemasteredeverything.IreasonedasIhadreasonedalreadywithoutknowingit,ifthatbereasoningincaseanyharmshouldbefallhimthroughmynotgoing,howcouldIeverforgivemyself!

           Itwasdarkbeforewegotdown,andthejourneyseemedlonganddrearytome,whocouldseelittleofitinside,andwhocouldnotgooutsideinmydisabledstate.AvoidingtheBlueBoar,Iputupataninnofminorreputationdownthetown,andorderedsomedinner.Whileitwaspreparing,IwenttoSatisHouseandinquiredforMissHavisham;shewasstillveryill,thoughconsideredsomethingbetter.

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