Большие ожидания

Chapter 38

           IfIhadbeenhersecretary,steward,half-brother,poorrelation—ifIhadbeenayoungerbrotherofherappointedhusband—IcouldnothaveseemedtomyselffurtherfrommyhopeswhenIwasnearesttoher.Theprivilegeofcallingherbyhernameandhearinghercallmebyminebecame,underthecircumstancesanaggravationofmytrials;andwhileIthinkitlikelythatitalmostmaddenedherotherlovers,Iknowtoocertainlythatitalmostmaddenedme.

           Shehadadmirerswithoutend.Nodoubtmyjealousymadeanadmirerofeveryonewhowentnearher;butthereweremorethanenoughofthemwithoutthat.

           IsawheroftenatRichmond,Iheardofheroftenintown,andIusedoftentotakeherandtheBrandleysonthewater;therewerepicnics,fêtedays,plays,operas,concerts,parties,allsortsofpleasures,throughwhichIpursuedher—andtheywereallmiseriestome.Ineverhadonehour’shappinessinhersociety,andyetmymindallroundthefour-and-twentyhourswasharpingonthehappinessofhavingherwithmeuntodeath.

           Throughoutthispartofourintercourse—anditlasted,aswillpresentlybeseen,forwhatIthenthoughtalongtime—shehabituallyrevertedtothattonewhichexpressedthatourassociationwasforceduponus.Therewereothertimeswhenshewouldcometoasuddencheckinthistoneandinallhermanytones,andwouldseemtopityme.

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