Риф, или Там, где разбивается счастье

XXXIII

           Thesolitudeofherinnerlifehadgivenherthehabitofthesehoursofself-examination,andsheneededthemassheneededhermorningplungeintocoldwater.

           Duringthejourneyshetriedtoreviewwhathadhappenedinthelightofhernewdecisionandofhersuddenrelieffrompain.Sheseemedtoherselftohavepassedthroughsomefieryinitiationfromwhichshehademergedsearedandquivering,butclutchingtoherbreastamagictalisman.SophyVinerhadcriedouttoher:“Somedayyou’llknow!”andDarrowhadusedthesamewords.Theymeant,shesupposed,thatwhenshehadexploredtheintricaciesanddarknessesofherownheartherjudgmentofotherswouldbelessabsolute.Well,sheknewnow—knewweaknessesandstrengthsshehadnotdreamedof,andthedeepdiscordandstilldeepercomplicitiesbetweenwhatthoughtinherandwhatblindlywanted...

           HermindturnedanxiouslytoOwen.Atleasttheblowthatwastofallonhimwouldnotseemtohavebeeninflictedbyherhand.HewouldbeleftwiththeimpressionthathisbreachwithSophyVinerwasduetooneoftheordinarycausesofsuchdisruptions:thoughhemustloseher,hismemoryofherwouldnotbepoisoned.AnnaneverforamomentpermittedherselfthedelusionthatshehadrenewedherpromisetoDarrowinordertospareherstep-sonthislastrefinementofmisery.Sheknewshehadbeenpromptedbytheirresistibleimpulsetoholdfasttowhatwasmostprecioustoher,andthatOwen’sarrivalonthescenehadbeenthepretextforherdecision,andnotitscause;yetshefeltherselffortifiedbythethoughtofwhatshehadsparedhim.

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