Риф, или Там, где разбивается счастье

XXXII

           That’swhatIwantyoutosee,andhavethecouragetoacknowledge.”

           “IfIsawitIshouldhavethecourage!”

           “Yes:couragewasthewrongword.Youhavethat.That’swhyI’mhere.”

           “ButIdon’tseeit,”shecontinuedsadly.“Soit’suseless,isn’tit?—andsocruel...”Hewasabouttospeak,butshewenton:“Ishallneverunderstandit—never!”

           Helookedather.“Youwillsomeday:youweremadetofeeleverything”

           “Ishouldhavethoughtthiswasacaseofnotfeeling——”

           “Onmypart,youmean?”Hefacedherresolutely.“Yes,itwas:tomyshame....WhatImeantwasthatwhenyou’velivedalittlelongeryou’llseewhatcomplexblunderersweallare:howwe’restruckblindsometimes,andmadsometimes—andthen,whenoursightandoursensescomeback,howwehavetosettowork,andbuildup,littlebylittle,bitbybit,thepreciousthingswe’dsmashedtoatomswithoutknowingit.Life’sjustaperpetualpiecingtogetherofbrokenbits.”

           Shelookedupquickly.“That’swhatIfeel:thatyououghtto——”

           Hestoodup,interruptingherwithagesture.“Oh,don’t—don’tsaywhatyou’regoingto!Mendon’tgivetheirlivesawaylikethat.Ifyouwon’thavemine,it’satleastmyown,todothebestIcanwith.”

           “Thebestyoucan—that’swhatImean!Howcantherebea‘best’foryouthat’smadeofsomeoneelse’sworst?”

           Hesatdownagainwithagroan.“Idon’tknow!Itseemedsuchaslightthing—allonthesurface—andI’vegoneagroundonitbecauseitwasonthesurface.

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