Спрут: Калифорнийская история

           Howwashetogetoutofthis?Whatwastheclewthatwouldseteverythingstraightagain?

           ThathewouldgiveHilmaup,neveronceenteredhishead.Haveherhewould.Shehadgivenherselftohim.Everythingshouldhavebeeneasyafterthat,andinstead,herehewasaloneinthenight,wrestlingwithhimself,indeepertroublethanever,andHilmafartherthaneverawayfromhim.

           Itwastrue,hemighthaveHilma,evennow,ifhewaswillingtomarryher.Butmarriage,tohismind,hadbeenalwaysavague,mostremotepossibility,almostasvagueandasremoteashisdeath,—athingthathappenedtosomemen,butthatwouldsurelyneveroccurtohim,or,ifitdid,itwouldbeafterlongyearshadpassed,whenhewasolder,moresettled,moremature—aneventthatbelongedtotheperiodofhismiddlelife,distantasyet.

           Hehadneverfacedthequestionofhismarriage.Hehadkeptitatanimmensedistancefromhim.Ithadneverbeenapartofhisorderofthings.Hewasnotamarryingman.

           ButHilmawasanever-presentreality,asneartohimashisrighthand.Marriagewasaformless,fardistantabstraction.Hilmaatangible,imminentfact.Beforehecouldthinkofthetwoasone;beforehecouldconsidertheideaofmarriage,sidebysidewiththeideaofHilma,measurelessdistanceshadtobetraversed,thingsasdisassociatedinhismindasfireandwater,hadtobefusedtogether;andbetweenthetwohewastornasifuponarack.

           Slowly,byimperceptibledegrees,theimagination,unused,unwillingmachine,begantowork.Thebrain’sactivitylapsedproportionately.Hebegantothinkless,andfeelmore.