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II
Itseemedimpossiblethatwecouldtouchanythingwithoutlosingit,andthenourlasthopewouldhavebeengone.”
Theterrorofthatgalewasonhimyet.Ilethimgoonforabit,thensaid,casually—asifreturningtoaminorsubject:
“Youwereveryanxioustogiveupyourmatetotheshorepeople,Ibelieve?”
Hewas.Tothelaw.Hisobscuretenacityonthatpointhadinitsomethingincomprehensibleandalittleawful;something,asitwere,mystical,quiteapartfromhisanxietythatheshouldnotbesuspectedof“countenancinganydoingsofthatsort.”Seven-and-thirtyvirtuousyearsatsea,ofwhichovertwentyofimmaculatecommand,andthelastfifteenintheSephora,seemedtohavelaidhimundersomepitilessobligation.
“Andyouknow,”hewenton,gropingshame-facedlyamongsthisfeelings,“Ididnotengagethatyoungfellow.Hispeoplehadsomeinterestwithmyowners.Iwasinawayforcedtotakehimon.Helookedverysmart,verygentlemanly,andallthat.Butdoyouknow—Ineverlikedhim,somehow.Iamaplainman.Yousee,hewasn’texactlythesortforthechiefmateofashipliketheSephora.”
IhadbecomesoconnectedinthoughtsandimpressionswiththesecretsharerofmycabinthatIfeltasifI,personally,werebeinggiventounderstandthatI,too,wasnotthesortthatwouldhavedoneforthechiefmateofashipliketheSephora.Ihadnodoubtofitinmymind.
“Notatallthestyleofman.Youunderstand,”heinsisted,superfluously,lookinghardatme.
Ismiledurbanely.Heseemedatalossforawhile.
“IsupposeImustreportasuicide.
