Возвращение на родину

VII. Queen of Night

           Lovewastohertheonecordialwhichcoulddriveawaytheeatinglonelinessofherdays.Andsheseemedtolongfortheabstractioncalledpassionatelovemorethanforanyparticularlover.

           Shecouldshowamostreproachfullookattimes,butitwasdirectedlessagainsthumanbeingsthanagainstcertaincreaturesofhermind,thechiefofthesebeingDestiny,throughwhoseinterferenceshedimlyfancieditarosethatlovealightedonlyonglidingyouth—thatanyloveshemightwinwouldsinksimultaneouslywiththesandintheglass.Shethoughtofitwithanever-growingconsciousnessofcruelty,whichtendedtobreedactionsofrecklessunconventionality,framedtosnatchayear’s,aweek’s,evenanhour’spassionfromanywherewhileitcouldbewon.Throughwantofitshehadsungwithoutbeingmerry,possessedwithoutenjoying,outshonewithouttriumphing.Herlonelinessdeepenedherdesire.OnEgdon,coldestandmeanestkisseswereatfamineprices,andwherewasamouthmatchingherstobefound?

           Fidelityinloveforfidelity’ssakehadlessattractionforherthanformostwomen;fidelitybecauseoflove’sgriphadmuch.Ablazeoflove,andextinction,wasbetterthanalanternglimmerofthesamewhichshouldlastlongyears.Onthisheadsheknewbyprevisionwhatmostwomenlearnonlybyexperience—shehadmentallywalkedroundlove,toldthetowersthereof,considereditspalaces,andconcludedthatlovewasbutadolefuljoy.Yetshedesiredit,asoneinadesertwouldbethankfulforbrackishwater.

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