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XLVI. The Gurgoyle: Its Doings

           Troyhadfelt,inhistransientway,hundredsoftimes,thathecouldnotenvyotherpeopletheircondition,becausethepossessionofthatconditionwouldhavenecessitatedadifferentpersonality,whenhedesirednootherthanhisown.Hehadnotmindedthepeculiaritiesofhisbirth,thevicissitudesofhislife,themeteor-likeuncertaintyofallthatrelatedtohim,becausetheseappertainedtotheheroofhisstory,withoutwhomtherewouldhavebeennostoryatallforhim;anditseemedtobeonlyinthenatureofthingsthatmatterswouldrightthemselvesatsomeproperdateandwindupwell.Thisverymorningtheillusioncompleteditsdisappearance,and,asitwere,allofasudden,Troyhatedhimself.Thesuddennesswasprobablymoreapparentthanreal.Acoralreefwhichjustcomesshortoftheoceansurfaceisnomoretothehorizonthanifithadneverbeenbegun,andthemerefinishingstrokeiswhatoftenappearstocreateaneventwhichhaslongbeenpotentiallyanaccomplishedthing.

           Hestoodandmeditatedamiserableman.Whithershouldhego?"Hethatisaccursed,lethimbeaccursedstill,"wasthepitilessanathemawritteninthisspoliatedeffortofhisnew-bornsolicitousness.Amanwhohasspenthisprimalstrengthinjourneyinginonedirectionhasnotmuchspiritleftforreversinghiscourse.Troyhad,sinceyesterday,faintlyreversedhis;butthemerestoppositionhaddisheartenedhim.

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