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XXXVIII. Rain—One Solitary Meets Another

           Imayaswellownit.Iwasgoingtogetalittlesettledinlife;butinsomewaymyplanhascometonothing."

           "Ithoughtmymistresswouldhavemarriedyou,"saidGabriel,notknowingenoughofthefulldepthsofBoldwood’slovetokeepsilenceonthefarmer’saccount,anddeterminednottoevadedisciplinebydoingsoonhisown."However,itissosometimes,andnothinghappensthatweexpect,"headded,withthereposeofamanwhommisfortunehadinuredratherthansubdued.

           "IdaresayIamajokeabouttheparish,"saidBoldwood,asifthesubjectcameirresistiblytohistongue,andwithamiserablelightnessmeanttoexpresshisindifference.

           "OhnoIdon’tthinkthat."

           "Buttherealtruthofthematteristhattherewasnot,assomefancy,anyjiltingonherpart.NoengagementeverexistedbetweenmeandMissEverdene.Peoplesayso,butitisuntrue:sheneverpromisedme!"BoldwoodstoodstillnowandturnedhiswildfacetoOak."Oh,Gabriel,"hecontinued,"Iamweakandfoolish,andIdon’tknowwhat,andIcan’tfendoffmymiserablegrief!IhadsomefaintbeliefinthemercyofGodtillIlostthatwoman.Yes,Hepreparedagourdtoshademe,andliketheprophetIthankedHimandwasglad.ButthenextdayHepreparedawormtosmitethegourdandwitherit;andIfeelitisbettertodiethantolive!"

           Asilencefollowed.Boldwoodarousedhimselffromthemomentarymoodofconfidenceintowhichhehaddrifted,andwalkedonagain,resuminghisusualreserve

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