Волны

           Ihavetriedtodoacolossallabour.Ihavedrivenaviolent,anunruly,aviciousteam.WithmyAustralianaccentIhavesatineating-shopsandtriedtomaketheclerksacceptme,yetneverforgottenmysolemnandsevereconvictionsandthediscrepanciesandincoherencesthatmustberesolved.AsaboyIdreamtoftheNile,wasreluctanttoawake,yetbroughtdownmyfistonthegrainedoakdoor.Itwouldhavebeenhappiertohavebeenbornwithoutadestiny,likeSusan,likePercival,whomImostadmire.

           Owesternwind,whenwiltthoublow.

           Thatthesmallraindowncanrain?

           ’Lifehasbeenaterribleaffairforme.Iamlikesomevastsucker,someglutinous,someadhesive,someinsatiablemouth.Ihavetriedtodrawfromthelivingfleshthestonelodgedatthecentre.Ihaveknownlittlenaturalhappiness,thoughtIchosemymistressinorderthat,withhercockneyaccent,shemightmakemefeelatmyease.Butsheonlytumbledthefloorwithdirtyunder-linen,andthecharwomanandtheshop-boyscalledaftermeadozentimesaday,mockingmyprimandsuperciliousgait.

           Owesternwind,whenwiltthoublow,

           Thatthesmallraindowncanrain?

           ’Whathasmydestinybeen,thesharp-pointedpyramidthathaspressedonmyribsalltheseyears?ThatIremembertheNileandthewomencarryingpitchersontheirheads;thatIfeelmyselfwoveninandoutofthelongsummersandwintersthathavemadethecornflowandhavefrozenthestreams.Iamnotasingleandpassingbeing.Mylifeisnotamoment’sbrightsparklikethatonthesurfaceofadiamond.