Поворот винта

           Hehadatanyratehisfreedomnow;Iwasnevertotouchitagain;asIhadamplyshown,moreover,when,onhisjoiningmeintheschoolroomthepreviousnight,Ihaduttered,onthesubjectoftheintervaljustconcluded,neitherchallengenorhint.Ihadtoomuch,fromthismoment,myotherideas.Yetwhenheatlastarrived,thedifficultyofapplyingthem,theaccumulationsofmyproblem,werebroughtstraighthometomebythebeautifullittlepresenceonwhichwhathadoccurredhadasyet,fortheeye,droppedneitherstainnorshadow.

           Tomark,forthehouse,thehighstateIcultivatedIdecreedthatmymealswiththeboyshouldbeserved,aswecalledit,downstairs;sothatIhadbeenawaitinghimintheponderouspompoftheroomoutsideofthewindowofwhichIhadhadfromMrs.Grose,thatfirstscaredSunday,myflashofsomethingitwouldscarcehavedonetocalllight.HereatpresentIfeltafresh—forIhadfeltitagainandagain—howmyequilibriumdependedonthesuccessofmyrigidwill,thewilltoshutmyeyesastightaspossibletothetruththatwhatIhadtodealwithwas,revoltingly,againstnature.Icouldonlygetonatallbytaking“nature”intomyconfidenceandmyaccount,bytreatingmymonstrousordealasapushinadirectionunusual,ofcourse,andunpleasant,butdemanding,afterall,forafairfront,onlyanotherturnofthescrewofordinaryhumanvirtue.Noattempt,nonetheless,couldwellrequiremoretactthanjustthisattempttosupply,one’sself,allthenature.