Ностромо
Chapter 10
Solitudefrommereoutwardconditionofexistencebecomesveryswiftlyastateofsoulinwhichtheaffectationsofironyandscepticismhavenoplace.Ittakespossessionofthemind,anddrivesforththethoughtintotheexileofutterunbelief.Afterthreedaysofwaitingforthesightofsomehumanface,Decoudcaughthimselfentertainingadoubtofhisownindividuality.Ithadmergedintotheworldofcloudandwater,ofnaturalforcesandformsofnature.Inouractivityalonedowefindthesustainingillusionofanindependentexistenceasagainstthewholeschemeofthingsofwhichweformahelplesspart.Decoudlostallbeliefintherealityofhisactionpastandtocome.Onthefifthdayanimmensemelancholydescendeduponhimpalpably.HeresolvednottogivehimselfuptothesepeopleinSulaco,whohadbesethim,unrealandterrible,likejibberingandobscenespectres.Hesawhimselfstrugglingfeeblyintheirmidst,andAntonia,giganticandlovelylikeanallegoricalstatue,lookingonwithscornfuleyesathisweakness.
Notalivingbeing,notaspeckofdistantsail,appearedwithintherangeofhisvision;and,asiftoescapefromthissolitude,heabsorbedhimselfinhismelancholy.Thevagueconsciousnessofamisdirectedlifegivenuptoimpulseswhosememoryleftabittertasteinhismouthwasthefirstmoralsentimentofhismanhood.Butatthesametimehefeltnoremorse.Whatshouldheregret?Hehadrecognizednoothervirtuethanintelligence,andhaderectedpassionsintoduties.
