Лорд Джим

Chapter 5

           DidIbelieveinamiracle?andwhydidIdesireitsoardently?WasitformyownsakethatIwishedtofindsomeshadowofanexcuseforthatyoungfellowwhomIhadneverseenbefore,butwhoseappearancealoneaddedatouchofpersonalconcerntothethoughtssuggestedbytheknowledgeofhisweaknessmadeitathingofmysteryandterrorlikeahintofadestructivefatereadyforusallwhoseyouthinitsdayhadresembledhisyouth?Ifearthatsuchwasthesecretmotiveofmyprying.Iwas,andnomistake,lookingforamiracle.Theonlythingthatatthisdistanceoftimestrikesmeasmiraculousistheextentofmyimbecility.Ipositivelyhopedtoobtainfromthatbatteredandshadyinvalidsomeexorcismagainsttheghostofdoubt.Imusthavebeenprettydesperatetoo,for,withoutlossoftime,afterafewindifferentandfriendlysentenceswhichheansweredwithlanguidreadiness,justasanydecentsickmanwoulddo,IproducedthewordPatnawrappedupinadelicatequestionasinawispofflosssilk.Iwasdelicateselfishly;Ididnotwanttostartlehim;Ihadnosolicitudeforhim;Iwasnotfuriouswithhimandsorryforhim:hisexperiencewasofnoimportance,hisredemptionwouldhavehadnopointforme.Hehadgrownoldinminoriniquities,andcouldnolongerinspireaversionorpity.HerepeatedPatna?interrogatively,seemedtomakeashorteffortofmemory,andsaid:“Quiteright.Iamanoldstagerouthere.Isawhergodown.”

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