Лорд Джим

Chapter 15

           Iwasbecomingfancifulinthemidstofmyindustriousscribbling;andthough,whenthescratchingofmypenstoppedforamoment,therewascompletesilenceandstillnessintheroom,Isufferedfromthatprofounddisturbanceandconfusionofthoughtwhichiscausedbyaviolentandmenacinguproarofaheavygaleatsea,forinstance.SomeofyoumayknowwhatImean:thatmingledanxiety,distress,andirritationwithasortofcravenfeelingcreepinginnotpleasanttoacknowledge,butwhichgivesaquitespecialmerittoone’sendurance.Idon’tclaimanymeritforstandingthestressofJim’semotions;Icouldtakerefugeintheletters;Icouldhavewrittentostrangersifnecessary.Suddenly,asIwastakingupafreshsheetofnotepaper,Iheardalowsound,thefirstsoundthat,sincewehadbeenshutuptogether,hadcometomyearsinthedimstillnessoftheroom.Iremainedwithmyheaddown,withmyhandarrested.Thosewhohavekeptvigilbyasick-bedhaveheardsuchfaintsoundsinthestillnessofthenightwatches,soundswrungfromarackedbody,fromawearysoul.Hepushedtheglassdoorwithsuchforcethatallthepanesrang:hesteppedout,andIheldmybreath,strainingmyearswithoutknowingwhatelseIexpectedtohear.HewasreallytakingtoomuchtoheartanemptyformalitywhichtoChester’srigorouscriticismseemedunworthythenoticeofamanwhocouldseethingsastheywere.Anemptyformality;apieceofparchment.Well,well.Astoaninaccessibleguanodeposit,thatwasanotherstoryaltogether.

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