Голод

Part II

           IcouldstopthelittlegnawingIhadinmychestbycoughinghard,orbendingwellforwardasIwalked,butIhadnoremedyforbackandshoulders.Whateverwasthereasonthatthingswouldnotbrightenupforme?WasInotjustasmuchentitledtoliveasanyoneelse?forexample,asBooksellerPaschaorSteamAgentHennechen?HadInottwoshoulderslikeagiant,andtwostronghandstoworkwith?andhadInot,insooth,evenappliedforaplaceaswood-chopperinMöllergadeninordertoearnmydailybread?WasIlazy?HadInotappliedforsituations,attendedlectures,writtenarticles,andworkeddayandnightlikeamanpossessed?HadInotlivedlikeamiser,eatenbreadandmilkwhenIhadplenty,breadalonewhenIhadlittle,andstarvedwhenIhadnothing?DidIliveinanhotel?HadIasuiteofroomsonthefirstfloor?Why,Iamlivinginaloftoveratinker’sworkshop,aloftalreadyforsakenbyGodandmanlastwinter,becausethesnowblewin.SoIcouldnotunderstandthewholething;notabitofit.

           Islouchedon,anddweltuponallthis,andtherewasnotasmuchasasparkofbitternessormaliceorenvyinmymind.

           Ihaltedatapaint-shopandgazedintothewindow.Itriedtoreadthelabelsonacoupleofthetins,butitwastoodark.Vexedwithmyselfoverthisnewwhim,andexcitedalmostangryatnotbeingabletomakeoutwhatthesetinsheld,Irappedtwicesharplyonthewindowandwenton.

           UpthestreetIsawapoliceman.

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