Голод
Part I
Wastherenowanyreasonwhateverthatabsolutelyeveryoneofone’smostearnestandmostperseveringeffortsshouldfail?Why,too,hadIwritten1848?Inwhatwaydidthatinfernaldateconcernme?HereIwasgoingaboutstarving,sothatmyentrailswriggletogetherinmelikeworms,anditwas,asfarasIknew,notdecreedinthebookoffatethatanythingintheshapeoffoodwouldturnuplateronintheday.
Iwasbecomingmentallyandphysicallymoreandmoreprostrate;Iwaslettingmyselfdowneachdaytolessandlesshonestactions,sothatIliedoneachdaywithoutblushing,cheatedpoorpeopleoutoftheirrent,struggledwiththemeanestthoughtsofmakingawaywithothermen’sblankets—allwithoutremorseorprickofconscience.
Foulplacesbegantogatherinmyinnerbeing,blacksporeswhichspreadmoreandmore.AndupinHeavenGodAlmightysatandkeptawatchfuleyeonme,andtookheedthatmydestructionproceededinaccordancewithalltherulesofart,uniformlyandgradually,withoutabreakinthemeasure.
ButintheabyssesofhelltheangriestdevilsbristledwithrangebecauseitlastedsuchalongtimeuntilIcommittedamortalsin,anunpardonableoffenceforwhichGodinHisjusticemustcastme—down....
Iquickenedmypace,hurriedfasterandfaster,turnedsuddenlytotheleftandfoundmyself,excitedandangry,inalightornatedoorway.
