Голод
Part I
Iwasalreadyonmywaytothepawn-shop,butstoppedoutsidethedoor,shookmyheadirresolutely,thenturnedback.ThefartherawayIgotthemoregladsome,ay,delightedIbecame,thatIhadconqueredthisstrongtemptation.TheconsciousnessthatIwasyetpureandhonourablerosetomyhead,filledmewithasplendidsenseofhavingprinciple,character,ofbeingashiningwhitebeaconinamuddy,humanseaamidstfloatingwreck.
Pawnanotherman’spropertyforthesakeofameal,eatanddrinkone’sselftoperdition,brandone’ssoulwiththefirstlittlescar,setthefirstblackmarkagainstone’shonour,callone’sselfablackguardtoone’sownface,andneedsmustcastone’seyesdownbeforeone’sself?Never!never!Itcouldneverhavebeenmyseriousintention—ithadreallyneverseriouslytakenholdofme;infact,Icouldnotbeanswerableforeveryloose,fleeting,desultorythought,particularlywithsuchaheadacheasIhad,andnearlykilledcarryingablanket,too,thatbelongedtoanotherfellow.
Therewouldsurelybesomewayoranotherofgettinghelpwhentherighttimecame!Now,therewasthegrocerinGroenlandsleret.HadIimportunedhimeveryhourinthedaysinceIsentinmyapplication?HadIrungthebellearlyandlate,andbeenturnedaway?Why,Ihadnotevenappliedpersonallytohimorsoughtananswer!Itdidnotfollow,surely,thatitmustneedsbeanabsolutelyvainattempt.
MaybeIhadluckwithmethistime.
