Голод
Part IV
MightitnotjustaswellbeamatterofindifferencewhetherIreturnedthehalf-sovereignornot?WhenonceIreceivedit,itwasmine;andtherewasevidentlynowantwhereitcamefrom.Besides,Iwasobligedtotakeitwhenitwassentexpresslytome;therecouldbenoobjectinlettingthemessengerkeepit.Itwouldn’tdo,either,tosenditback—awholehalf-sovereignthathadbeensenttome.Sotherewaspositivelynohelpforit.
Itriedtowatchthebustleaboutmeinthemarket,anddistractmyselfwithindifferentthings,butIdidnotsucceed;thehalf-sovereignstillbusiedmythoughts.AtlastIclenchedmyfistsandgotangry.ItwouldhurtherifIweretosenditback.Why,then,shouldIdoso?Alwaysreadytoconsidermyselftoogoodforeverything—totossmyheadandsay,No,thanks!Isawnowwhatitledto.Iwasoutinthestreetagain.EvenwhenIhadtheopportunityIcouldn’tkeepmygoodwarmlodging.No;Imustneedsbeproud,jumpupatthefirstword,andshowIwasn’tthemantostandtrifling,chuckhalf-sovereignsrightandleft,andgomyway....Itookmyselfsharplytotaskforhavingleftmylodgingandbroughtmyselfintothemostdistressfulcircumstances.
Asfortherest,Iconsignedthewholeaffairtothekeepingoftheyellowestofdevils.Ihadn’tbeggedforthehalf-sovereign,andIhadbarelyhaditinmyhand,butgaveitawayatonce—paiditawaytoutterlystrangepeoplewhomIwouldneverseeagain.
