Голод
Part IV
Yousee,itisn’twithmyworkaswithotherpeople’s;Ican’tsitdownandgetacertainamountfinishedinaday.Ihavejusttowaitfortherightmoment,andnoonecantellthedayorhourwhenthespiritmaymoveone—itmusthaveitsowntime...."
Mylandladywent,butherconfidenceinmewasevidentlymuchshaken.
AssoonasIwasleftaloneIjumpedupandtoremyhairindespair.No,inspiteofall,therewasreallynosalvationforme—nosalvation!Mybrainwasbankrupt!HadIthenreallyturnedintoacompletedoltsinceIcouldnotevenaddupthepriceofapieceofDutchcheese?ButcoulditbepossibleIhadlostmysenseswhenIcouldstandandputsuchquestionstomyself?HadnotI,intothebargain,rightinthemidstofmyeffortswiththereckoning,madethelucidobservationthatmylandladywasinthefamilyway?Ihadnoreasonforknowingit,noonehadtoldmeanythingaboutit,neitherhaditoccurredtomegratuitously.Isatandsawitwithmyowneyes,andIunderstooditatonce,rightatadespairingmomentwhereIsatandaddedupsixteenths.HowcouldIexplainthistomyself?
Iwenttothewindowandgazedout;itlookedoutintoVognmandsgade.Somechildrenwereplayingdownonthepavement;poorlydressedchildreninthemiddleofapoorstreet.Theytossedanemptybottlebetweenthemandscreamedshrilly.Aloadoffurniturerolledslowlyby;itmustbelongtosomedislodgedfamily,forcedtochangeresidencebetween"flittingtime."6Thisstruckmeatonce.
