Голод
Part III
ButwhenIgothometomyroom,intothemelancholyhole,wetthroughfromthesoftsnow,tremblinginmykneesfromtheday’swanderings,Idismountedinstantlyfrommyhighhorse,andsanktogetheroncemore.
Iregrettedmyattackuponthepoorshop-boy,wept,clutchedmyselfbythethroattopunishmyselfformymiserabletrick,andbehavedlikealunatic.Hehadnaturallybeeninthemostdeadlyterrorforthesakeofhissituation;hehadnotdaredtomakeanyfussaboutthefiveshillingsthatwerelosttothebusiness,andIhadtakenadvantageofhisfear,hadtorturedhimwithmyviolentaddress,stabbedhimwitheveryloudwordthatIhadroaredout.Andthemasterhimselfhadperhapsbeensittinginsidetheinnerroom,almostwithinanaceoffeelingcalledupontocomeoutandinquirewhatwastherow.No,therewasnolongeranylimittothelowthingsImightbetemptedtodo.
Well,whyhadn’tIbeenlockedup?thenitwouldhavecometoanend.Iwouldalmosthavestretchedoutmywristsforthehandcuffs.Iwouldnothaveofferedtheslightestresistance;onthecontrary,Iwouldhaveassistedthem.LordofHeavenandEarth!onedayofmylifeforonehappysecondagain!Mywholelifeforamessoflentils!Hearmeonlythisonce!...
IlaydowninthewetclothesIhadon,withavagueideathatImightdieduringthenight.AndIusedmylaststrengthtotidyupmybedalittle,sothatitmightappearalittleorderlyaboutmeinthemorning.Ifoldedmyhandsandchosemyposition.
