Кармилла
Her Habits — A Saunter
Iexperiencedastrangetumultuousexcitementthatwaspleasurable,everandanon,mingledwithavaguesenseoffearanddisgust.Ihadnodistinctthoughtsaboutherwhilesuchsceneslasted,butIwasconsciousofalovegrowingintoadoration,andalsoofabhorrence.ThisIknowisparadox,butIcanmakenootherattempttoexplainthefeeling.
Inowwrite,afteranintervalofmorethantenyears,withatremblinghand,withaconfusedandhorriblerecollectionofcertainoccurrencesandsituations,intheordealthroughwhichIwasunconsciouslypassing;thoughwithavividandverysharpremembranceofthemaincurrentofmystory.
But,Isuspect,inalllivestherearecertainemotionalscenes,thoseinwhichourpassionshavebeenmostwildlyandterriblyroused,thatareofallothersthemostvaguelyanddimlyremembered.
Sometimesafteranhourofapathy,mystrangeandbeautifulcompanionwouldtakemyhandandholditwithafondpressure,renewedagainandagain;blushingsoftly,gazinginmyfacewithlanguidandburningeyes,andbreathingsofastthatherdressroseandfellwiththetumultuousrespiration.Itwasliketheardorofalover;itembarrassedme;itwashatefulandyetover-powering;andwithgloatingeyesshedrewmetoher,andherhotlipstraveledalongmycheekinkisses;andshewouldwhisper,almostinsobs,"Youaremine,youshallbemine,youandIareoneforever."Thenshehasthrownherselfbackinherchair,withhersmallhandsoverhereyes,leavingmetrembling.
