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Chapter 6

           Youmaymakethebiggestliteraryfuroreoftheseason,andthatwillcountasnothingamong‘swagger’people,butifyouwintheDerbyyouwillbeareallyfamousman.PersonallyspeakingIhaveagreatdealtodowithracing—infactIamdevotedtoit.Iamalwayspresentateverygreatrace—Inevermissone;Ialwaysbet,andIneverlose!Andnowletmeproceedwithyoursocialplanofaction.AfterwinningtheDerbyyouwillenterforayachtraceatCowes,andallowthePrinceofWalestobeatyoujustnarrowly.Thenyouwillgiveagranddinner,arrangedbyaperfectchef—andyouwillentertainHisRoyalHighnesstothestrainsof‘Britanniarulesthewaves,’whichwillserveasaprettycompliment.Youwillalludetothesamewell-wornsonginagracefulspeech—andtheprobableresultofallthiswillbeone,orperhapstwoRoyalinvitations.Sofar,sogood.WiththeheatsofsummeryouwillgotoHomburgtodrinkthewaterstherewhetheryourequirethemornot—andintheautumnyouwillassembleashooting-partyatthecountryseatbefore-mentionedwhichyouwillhavepurchased,andinviteRoyaltytojoinyouinkillingthepoorlittlepartridges.

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