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Chapter 21

           Ontheseoccasionsshewasalwayscharmingevenaffectionate;andyetthoughIwasfullofpassionateadmirationandloveforher,Ifeltthatshewasminemerelyasaslavemightbemine;thatshegavemeherlipstokissasifsheconsideredIhadarighttokissthembecauseIhadboughtthem,andfornootherreasonthatherprettycaresseswerestudied,andherwholebehaviourtheresultofcarefulforethoughtandnotnaturalimpulsiveness.Itriedtoshakeoffthisimpression,butitstillremainedpersistently,andcloudedthesweetnessofmybriefcourtship.

           Meanwhile,slowlyandalmostimperceptibly,my‘boomed’bookdroppedoutofnotice.MorgesonpresentedaheavybillofpublishingcostswhichIpaidwithoutamurmur;nowandthenanallusiontomy‘literarytriumphs’croppedupinoneorotherofthenewspapers,butotherwisenoonespokeofmy‘famous’work,andfewreadit.Ienjoyedthesamesortofcliqueyreputationandpublicfailureattendingacertainnovelentitled‘MariustheEpicurean.ThejournalistswithwhomIhadcomeincontactbegantodriftawaylikeflotsamandjetsam;IthinktheysawIwasnotlikelytogivemanymore‘reviewing’dinnersorsuppers,andthatmymarriagewiththeEarlofElton’sdaughterwouldliftmeintoanatmospherewhereGrub-streetcouldnotbreathecomfortablyorstretchitslegsatease.

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