Скорбь сатаны

Chapter 17

           Iampassionate,resentful,impetuousfrequentlyunsympathetic,andinclinedtomorbidnessandmelancholy,andIconfessIhaveimbibed,consciouslyorunconsciously,thatcompletecontemptoflifeanddisbeliefinaGod,whichisthechiefthemeofnearlyallthesocialteachingsofthetime."

           SheceasedandIgazedatherwithanoddsenseofmingledworshipanddisillusion,evenasabarbarianmightgazeatanidolwhomhestillloved,butwhomhecouldnolongerbelieveinasdivine.YetwhatshesaidwasinnowaycontrarytomyowntheorieshowthencouldIcomplain?IdidnotbelieveinaGod;whyshouldIinconsistentlyfeelregretthatshesharedmyunbelief?Ihadinvoluntarilyclungtotheold-fashionedideathatreligiousfaithwasasacreddutyinwomanhood;Iwasnotabletoofferanyreasonforthisnotion,unlessitwastheromanticfancyofhavingagoodwomantoprayforone,ifonehadnotimeandlessinclinationtoprayforone’sself.However,itwasevidentSibylwas‘advanced’enoughtodowithoutsuperstitiousobservances;shewouldneverprayforme;andifwehadchildren,shewouldneverteachthemtomaketheirfirsttenderappealstoHeavenformysakeorhers.Ismotheredaslightsigh,andwasabouttospeak,whenshecameuptomeandlaidhertwohandsonmyshoulders."Youlookunhappy,Geoffrey,"shesaidingentleraccents"Beconsoled!itisnottoolateforyoutochangeyourmind!"

           Imetthequestioningglanceofhereyesbeautiful,lustrouseyesasclearandpureaslightitself.

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