Мертвые души

           ‘WelltheGovernmentisnothere—itisinParis,andthetroopshavenotyetreturnedfromthewar;butthereisaTEMPORARYCommissionsitting,andyouhadbettergoandseewhatITcandoforyou.’‘Allright!’hesaid.‘IwillgoandtelltheCommissionthatIhaveshedmyblood,andsacrificedmylife,formycountry.’Andhegotupearlyonemorning,andshavedhimselfwithhislefthand(sincetheexpenseofabarberwasnotworthwhile),andsetout,woodenlegandall,toseethePresidentoftheCommission.ButfirstheaskedwherethePresidentlived,andwastoldthathishousewasinNaberezhnaiaStreet.Andyoumaybesurethatitwasnopeasant’shut,withitsglazedwindowsandgreatmirrorsandstatuesandlacqueysandbrassdoorhandles!Rather,itwasthesortofplacewhichyouwouldenteronlyafteryouhadboughtacheapcakeofsoapandindulgedinatwohours’wash.Also,attheentrancetherewaspostedagrandSwissfootmanwithabatonandanembroideredcollar—afellowlookinglikeafat,over-fedpugdog.However,friendKopeikinmanagedtogethimselfandhiswoodenlegintothereceptionroom,andtheresqueezedhimselfawayintoacorner,forfearlestheshouldknockdownthegildedchinawithhiselbow.AndhestoodwaitingingreatsatisfactionathavingarrivedbeforethePresidenthadsomuchaslefthisbedandbeenservedwithhissilverwash-basin.Nevertheless,itwasonlywhenKopeikinhadbeenwaitingfourhoursthatabreakfastwaiterenteredtosay,‘ThePresidentwillsoonbehere.