Портрет художника в юности
Chapter 2
Butthesameforeknowledgewhichhadsickenedhisheartandmadehislegssagsuddenlyasheracedroundthepark,thesameintuitionwhichhadmadehimglancewithmistrustathistrainer’sflabbystubble-coveredfaceasitbentheavilyoverhislongstainedfingers,dissipatedanyvisionofthefuture.InavaguewayheunderstoodthathisfatherwasintroubleandthatthiswasthereasonwhyhehimselfhadnotbeensentbacktoClongowes.Forsometimehehadfelttheslightchangeinhishouse;andthosechangesinwhathehaddeemedunchangeableweresomanyslightshockstohisboyishconceptionoftheworld.Theambitionwhichhefeltastirattimesinthedarknessofhissoulsoughtnooutlet.Adusklikethatoftheouterworldobscuredhismindasheheardthemare’shoofsclatteringalongthetramtrackontheRockRoadandthegreatcanswayingandrattlingbehindhim.
HereturnedtoMercedesand,ashebroodeduponherimage,astrangeunrestcreptintohisblood.Sometimesafevergatheredwithinhimandledhimtorovealoneintheeveningalongthequietavenue.Thepeaceofthegardensandthekindlylightsinthewindowspouredatenderinfluenceintohisrestlessheart.Thenoiseofchildrenatplayannoyedhimandtheirsillyvoicesmadehimfeel,evenmorekeenlythanhehadfeltatClongowes,thathewasdifferentfromothers.Hedidnotwanttoplay.Hewantedtomeetintherealworldtheunsubstantialimagewhichhissoulsoconstantlybeheld.
