Портрет художника в юности

Chapter 5

           Isityou?Youpoorpoet,you!

           Andyoumademeconfesstoyou,Stephensaid,thrilledbyhistouch,asIhaveconfessedtoyousomanyotherthings,haveInot?

           Yes,mychild,Cranlysaid,stillgaily.

           YoumademeconfessthefearsthatIhave.ButIwilltellyoualsowhatIdonotfear.IdonotfeartobealoneortobespurnedforanotherortoleavewhateverIhavetoleave.AndIamnotafraidtomakeamistake,evenagreatmistake,alifelongmistake,andperhapsaslongaseternitytoo.

           Cranly,nowgraveagain,slowedhispaceandsaid:

           Alone,quitealone.Youhavenofearofthat.Andyouknowwhatthatwordmeans?Notonlytobeseparatefromallothersbuttohavenotevenonefriend.

           Iwilltaketherisk,saidStephen.

           Andnottohaveanyoneperson,Cranlysaid,whowouldbemorethanafriend,moreeventhanthenoblestandtruestfriendamaneverhad.

           Hiswordsseemedtohavestrucksomedeepchordinhisownnature.Hadhespokenofhimself,ofhimselfashewasorwishedtobe?Stephenwatchedhisfaceforsomemomentsinsilence.Acoldsadnesswasthere.Hehadspokenofhimself,ofhisownlonelinesswhichhefeared.

           Ofwhomareyouspeaking?Stephenaskedatlength.Cranlydidnotanswer.

           ***

           MARCH20.LongtalkwithCranlyonthesubjectofmyrevolt.

           Hehadhisgrandmanneron.

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