Портрет художника в юности
Chapter 4
Hehadbenthiskneesidewayslikesuchaone,hehadshakenthethuribleonlyslightlylikesuchaone,hischasublehadswungopenlikethatofsuchanotherasheturnedtothealtaragainafterhavingblessedthepeople.Andaboveallithadpleasedhimtofillthesecondplaceinthosedimscenesofhisimagining.Heshrankfromthedignityofcelebrantbecauseitdispleasedhimtoimaginethatallthevaguepompshouldendinhisownpersonorthattheritualshouldassigntohimsoclearandfinalanoffice.Helongedfortheminorsacredoffices,tobevestedwiththetunicleofsubdeaconathighmass,tostandalooffromthealtar,forgottenbythepeople,hisshoulderscoveredwithahumeralveil,holdingthepatenwithinitsfoldsor,whenthesacrificehadbeenaccomplished,tostandasdeaconinadalmaticofclothofgoldonthestepbelowthecelebrant,hishandsjoinedandhisfacetowardsthepeople,andsingthechantITEMISSAEST.Ifeverhehadseenhimselfcelebrantitwasasinthepicturesofthemassinhischild’smassbook,inachurchwithoutworshippers,savefortheangelofthesacrifice,atabarealtar,andservedbyanacolytescarcelymoreboyishthanhimself.Invaguesacrificialorsacramentalactsalonehiswillseemeddrawntogoforthtoencounterreality;anditwaspartlytheabsenceofanappointedritewhichhadalwaysconstrainedhimtoinactionwhetherhehadallowedsilencetocoverhisangerorprideorhadsufferedonlyanembracehelongedtogive.
