Портрет художника в юности
Chapter 3
Insteadthevitalwavehadcarriedhimonitsbosomoutofhimselfandbackagainwhenitreceded:andnopartofbodyorsoulhadbeenmaimedbutadarkpeacehadbeenestablishedbetweenthem.Thechaosinwhichhisardourextinguisheditselfwasacoldindifferentknowledgeofhimself.Hehadsinnedmortallynotoncebutmanytimesandheknewthat,whilehestoodindangerofeternaldamnationforthefirstsinalone,byeverysucceedingsinhemultipliedhisguiltandhispunishment.Hisdaysandworksandthoughtscouldmakenoatonementforhim,thefountainsofsanctifyinggracehavingceasedtorefreshhissoul.Atmost,byanalmsgiventoabeggarwhoseblessinghefledfrom,hemighthopewearilytowinforhimselfsomemeasureofactualgrace.Devotionhadgonebytheboard.Whatdiditavailtopraywhenheknewthathissoullustedafteritsowndestruction?Acertainpride,acertainawe,withheldhimfromofferingtoGodevenoneprayeratnight,thoughheknewitwasinGod’spowertotakeawayhislifewhilehesleptandhurlhissoulhellwarderehecouldbegformercy.Hisprideinhisownsin,hislovelessaweofGod,toldhimthathisoffencewastoogrievoustobeatonedforinwholeorinpartbyafalsehomagetotheAll-seeingandAll-knowing.
—Wellnow,Ennis,Ideclareyouhaveaheadandsohasmystick!Doyoumeantosaythatyouarenotabletotellmewhatasurdis?
Theblunderinganswerstirredtheembersofhiscontemptofhisfellows.Towardsothershefeltneithershamenorfear.
